..A World of Nonsense..

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Just moments ago, I took out my calendar and imagined myself in my mind - highlighting the possible dates I need to blank out for sailing. Luckily it doesn't take long to arrive at the december page.

I felt relaxed upon reaching that page, browsing through the columns where we placed our pre-accepted chalet dates. It's 28th,29th & 30th Dec. Fri,Sat and Sun. The thought of putting aside work and a few days break from this forsaken work n sailing life, so inviting.

I've not been happy recently, and there on the top left of this december page was a proverb:

"Happiness - happiness is an attitude of mind, born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances."

What's Happiness - its an attitude it says. Determined to think positively no matter what happens.

Such an attitude I find it hard to achieve - like forcing me to write with my right hand when i'm left handed.

Being forced to accept delegated jobs and doing work way out of my responsibilities, i was neither credited for it nor being paid extra. The crappiest thing ever was some taking leave and MC all the time and got me as replacement and this department's most senior idiot doesnt know how to discipline his men.

For the past 7 weeks I'm only home 1 single day from morning to night each week.. i try not to miss out any possible outings despite

the weight of my eyebags
my moods are bad
my face is black
I'm still moving way off my comfort zone for people around me that makes me wanna put in effort to help, to make things interesting, special..

it turns out I'm utterly... perhaps sensitive again, maybe paranoid, or out of my mind.. demanding.. unreasonable.. crap.. lame.. whatever related english u know, name it

.
.
.
someone, anyone, can just teach me to pretend happy?

Chongz stepped on your garbage at 11:07 PM