..A World of Nonsense..

I proclaim myself being a hero, or being in the way, of that fucking gay coursemate who tried to commit suicide by jumping down from the corridor railing just outside our cabin!

I wasn't upset and irritated with his attempt, he can die for all I care. It is the people that are gonna to get affected that are really innocent. Us, his parents, our seniors, our commanders. Sorry Iris, to sms you and whine about this. To be in such a drama I really shock until I feel so lost in the midst of it. All of us did.

And I'm just gonna say the reasons leading to it - My side of the story:

There are 7 of us in the class. This gay here, gay is not considered abnormal, in fact, so common in society these days. I'm not taking it personally, but everyone feels -

He looks weird, with protruding upper teeth, bulging eyeballs, skinny face with high, big cheekbones and moon craters.
He talks on phone, and 100% people responded calling him Miss.
He has a girl voice, totally.
He has weird habits of eating mucus when he's staring into empty spaces.
He lets everyone knows he has 5 credit cards. Frequently volunteering to pay for the whole sum when everyone decides to share. When he feels hot, he take out his cards to use as fan.
He walk as professionally as a model.
He love asking whether it would be good if he go for plastic surgery, whether he looks good in bra.

Well.. it is not all though. I'll just write out what happened this week.

These 2 weeks, he's been having tons of emotional outbursts. And yesterday is when he attempted suicide. My class is afraid of him for weeks because of his black face and attitude. The problem actually zooms in on a guy, X. Often, he approaches each of us when we are alone and askes us,

"Am I capricious?"
"Why is X treating me so coldly?"
"Can you lull me and make me laugh?"

At times, we don't know how to respond with his requests. There's times when he askes, "Can i talk to you?" and he'll just stare at you and wouldn't utter a single word even after you asked 10 times "What?".

Fuck, who wouldn't get pissed off.

Some of us are more experienced in planning duty groupings, we often discuss together. He would later, when the discussion finished and he wants everyone to be present, just to complain that WE DID NOT ASK HIM FOR HIS OPINION OR HIS SHARE OF IDEA. And that he stated that he wanted to be involve.

For months till now, he always says he felt neglected by us. And each of us never failed to talk to him for hours to let him understand the situation. From there we also find out why he's unhappy. THE PROBLEM IS THAT THIS HAS BEEN DONE BY EACH OF US COUNTLESS TIMES. EVERYTIME AFTER WE COUNSEL HIM, THE NEXT DAY HE GOES BACK TO THE SAME KIND OF FACE AND WE HAVE TO GIVE THE SAME KIND OF ADVICES!

What he wants?! We ask him and he can never answer. How are we going to help? He says he wants to talk to us, but when we talk to him, he gives a 1 word answer. And says that we talk to him because we are trying to compromise with him. What he wants?! Talk or no talk, both wrong!?

Tuesday night, he dreamt of something, I heard something like "X..我很想驯服你..我只想驯服你..Ah....ahh.....ahhhhh" FUCK THE SOUND WAS FREAKING GROSS! And that gay actually admitted having a crush on him...fuck gays

That went through the whole night and we can't sleep at all! Wednesday night we had to watch over him because he tried suicide in the noon, so we cant sleep too!

X suffer the most, this gay ask him most of those stupid questions all the time.

"X.. i'm very jealous you so close with CL.."
"X..u and CL and Y always chat very happily hor..?"
"X.. can you dun chat with him and chat with me?"
"Why you don't want to start a chat with me?"
"I want you to talk to me."

He was counselled by his own counsellor on wednesday noon, after that incident. We had a chat with his counsellor too.. apparently i summarise wad he says,

"he needs to be sayang..needs a lap to rest on, to cry on, and having someone stroking his head when he's upset." FUCK how are we supposed to do that.

"he needs physical assurance." so there's no wrong putting fist and kicks into his face?
"He thirsts for friendship." Fuck, u mean gay partner?
"He wants the world to be beautiful." Oh..no wonder he tried jumping. He really wants it. But he should do it in the sea, at least it wouldn't stain the place.

I really feel like shooting back at the counsellor, but freak warrant officer. Cant. We just told him what we had done so far, and the limits we already reached. He just tell us to be at our best side of us. Comfort him, make him feels the way he want to.

Who gonna comfort us? That gay made a pact with the counsellor not to cause such unhappiness within us again. Yet...

He screwed up our nights off later. Making a scene at the coffee shop, making a scene in the cab, went back to camp and starts off those questions crap again.
We switched off the lights to play card games..cos we have to keep watch over him.

HE KNEEL DOWN IN FRONT OF X'S BED AND ASK HIM FOR ACCEPTANCE, IF NOT HE WOULDN'T GET UP. but then..we just carry on with our card games.. X continue chatting with his gf.. and he just kneel there for an hour or so..

nobody bothers..nobody can. These things repeated too many times. Imagine yourself reading this over and over again.. becos this is wad happens over and over everyday.

Fuck..this is gonna be no end. I've never felt that helpless before..not even in love, in frens or wad.. i m tired.

How? I too, long for a post I can happily blog about.

Chongz stepped on your garbage at 10:57 PM